A Countdown To Probe
by Carbuncle
Summary: A few minor characters are abducted by aliens.


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
A SPECIAL SERIES FOR FEBRUARY! A SPECIAL SERIES FOR FEBRUARY!   
  
'A Countdown To Probe'  
  
"Phew! What a day this has been!", sighed Bugenhagen.  
  
The old man was very tired. He had been giving a lecture on the 'Study of the Planet' to some of the children that lived in the canyon. It was important for the young one's to learn about this but it was hard work explaining it to them, especially when all they wanted to do was play.  
  
Bugenhagen floated inside his observatory. He was just about to make a nice cup of tea, when his door knocked.  
  
"Oh! What now?!", the man grumbled.  
  
He opened the door to see a young man holding a clipboard.  
  
"Yes? Can I help you?", asked Bugenhagen.  
  
"Ergh! Um, I mean, hello!", gurgled the stranger. "My name is Chris, and I'm with the 'Midgar Times', the city's number one newspaper! And uh, we're doing a survey to determine how many of our readers actually enjoy the new 'Mako In The Home' section! Could I perhaps borrow three minutes of your life to ask you a few questions, sir?"  
  
"I don't read the 'Midgar Times'."  
  
"...You don't?!", Chris scoffed.  
  
"No. It's full of sex, drugs and idle gossip! If I wanted to know how many whores it took to change a light bulb, then I'd ask some myself!", snapped Bugenhagen. "Now get off my property before I kill you!"  
  
"Okay! Okay!", retorted Chris. "Jeez, no need to get pissy!"  
  
Bugenhagen slammed the door and floated over to the couch. But before he even had chance to lie down, the door knocked again.  
  
"Oh no!", he yelled as floated back to the front door. "I told you before... I'm not doing it!"  
  
However, when he opened the door, he became terrified. Then everything went black...  
  
Upon opening his eyes, Bugenhagen found himself in a small dark room. He squinted, and could make out the shape of three other beings in the room. He was so scared.  
  
"So, you finally woke up!"  
  
"Wh-Who are you?", Bugenhagen gasped.  
  
The three shadows stepped forward. It was none other than Dio (owner of the Gold Saucer), Godo (Yuffie's dad) and Zangen (Tifa's mentor).  
  
"Good grief! What are you three doing here? No, scratch that one... What am *I* doing here?!"  
  
"We don't know. We were all just going about our daily lives, when all of a sudden, boom! We were right here!", explained Dio.  
  
"Yeah. The half naked man is right. I was teachin' one of my students some new moves, took five minutes out for a coffee break, then somehow I ended up here with these bozo's!", Zangen added.  
  
"It has been a great mis-fortune!", cried Godo.  
  
Suddenly, a door opened and a bright light filled the room. The four men huddled together as something approached.  
  
"Do not be afraid!"  
  
A small alien stood before them. It was a PuPu (Final Fantasy VIII), and it was joined by two others.  
  
"Wha?! What are you creatures?!", gasped Godo.  
  
"We are an alien race known as the PuPu. In three million years from now we will rule your planet. But enough of that, on to business!", the alien bloated. "Congratulations! You four have been selected to take part in our 'Cross Breeding Alien Orgy Program'!"  
  
"A what?!", shouted Zangen.  
  
"Our 'Cross Breeding Alien Orgy Program'! Since our female population was wiped out ten years ago, we have breeded with human life! It's very exciting!"  
  
"Wa-Wait a moment, here! Okay, we're MALE, alright?! Not female, MALE!", Zangen paniced.  
  
"Yes, we are quite aware of that. But being apart from women for so long has given us a new perspective on life. Y'see, we're gay."  
  
"Pardon?!", exclaimed Bugenhagen.  
  
"Well what did you expect?! We've been without girls for TEN YEARS! How else are we supossed to entertain ourselves?! We have needs too, y'know?!", the alien growled.  
  
"Yeah, PuPu386 here is fantastic in the sack!", laughed another alien.  
  
"Oooh, saucy!", Dio giggled.  
  
"You-You can't expect us to have sex with you guys, can you?!", shrieked Zangen. "I'm outta here! C'mon guys! Run!"  
  
Zangen, Bugenhagen, Godo and Dio all made a run for the open door. The PuPu pushed a button on the wall, which caused the door to slowly close. The four men continued to run.  
  
"Stop!", yelled the PuPu leader.  
  
The men managed to dash under the door just before it closed.  
  
"Which way now?!", Bugenhagen flinched.  
  
"Uh... look! Over there! An escape pod!", shouted Zangen.  
  
They rushed over to the pod and climbed aboard. The alien's caught up to them and tried to open the pod, but it was shut too tight.  
  
"Don't let them get away!", the PuPu leader growled.  
  
"Um, sir. They already did.", coughed an alien.  
  
"Yeah, they left like, ten minutes ago!", said another.  
  
"Aw... screw 'em! Let's make love! PuPu386, you're on top!", grumbled the leader.  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
